Today was Sunday, but the sun was not really shining. We skipped the morning service of church because of the orchestra thing that was going on – every year, the church would bring out all the musical instruments and play them really loudly for two hours. DA PAIN. So we went to the evening service instead, and lo and behold, Micheala came into the church along with me. A very strange occurrence indeed since most Americans tend to not go to Russian churches. Well, anyways, she was there and I knew now would be the perfect time to ask the question.

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Around July, on a Sunday, 3 months back – I came into church and sat on the balcony, since this was the first time I actually got to sit up there (my mom always insisted that I sit with her instead but since she was in Baltimore, HA! ). The church service started and Denis Miller comes up to me. I said hi and so did he…and then he asked me a question which made me twirl with horror and sickness.

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May 29(?), 2002 – I was up and ready to go to school, for today we got to take a boring field trip to the Whitman Mission in Central Washington. I got to school and unto the bus along with less than half of the class! Nobody showed up so we had about 4 seats to a person or more. Three hour drive over and not that much happened. Once we got there, we toured the Mission Field where the great missionary Whitman was and something like that. We really all could have cared less and we learned how to have our own fun. Do crazy stunts, make fun of Melissa Sessions, and…arhg!!! Melissa Sessions = HORROR (One who got A++ down in California at school…well duh, I mean it’s California and the education system sucks). After about two hours, we had enough of the field and went back on the bus, ready to go home. On the way back, Jordan brings up a game called Dirty Dice. What happens with this game is you take pieces of paper, put all the guys names on some pieces and put them in a pile, girls names, body parts, and then the action needing to be done to the body part. Something like “Lick” “Neck” “Melissa…AIYEEE!!!” (thankfully, Melissa was not in this game!). Everyone took turns and it turned out to be a makeout fest with people lying about what paper they chose just to get some action with some lips. I restrained from playing for a while and then joined in. Drawing the dice, I got “Suck” “Neck” “Lauren.” I replaced Neck with lips and that was that. The only kiss I had to this day came from that game, which I now regret ever doing. What the frack was I thinking!? Nothing! I couldn’t think, I was voided from thinking, and even as the math brain wiz I am, I would not be able to tell you what 2X+4 was at that time if X was a three (I could still solve 2+2 but who couldn’t?).

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Denis asks me, “Did you really make out with her.”

Me: “Who, Lauren?”

Denis: “No, Micheala…”

Me: “Of course not”

Denis: “Yeah right…she told me all about it…it happened on the bus.”

Me: “No, that was Lauren…”

Denis: “And Micheala…”

Me: “I think she just might be confused or mistaken about what she said…you sure she said we made out?”

Denis: “Yeah, she told me specifically that it was with you.”

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I waited until the church service ended and called Denis with me to go and talk to her. Denis called her over and asked her:

Denis: “Did it really happen?”

Micheala: “Yeah, it did”

Okay, so she knew what he was talking about…apparently. WTF!?

The rest of the conversation went about with me and her arguing about whether “it” happened or not. Unless I was drunk or insane, not being able to tell apart Lauren and Micheala, “it” never happened. I don’t know why she was being so mendacious, but it might be the insanity on her end of things. They say that you can get a person to believe anything, and I think she might have made herself believe that. Why? I have yet to know that, but whatever the reason, it’s still a fracking lie. I don’t know what prank she’s trying to pull but hey, guess what…it’s not FRACKING funny!! Get a freaking life and stop meddling with other people’s you pollyanniacal, rugose sapphist!