Austrian Alex » Random

The Black Wheel Barrow

Alexander Chernikov — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 15:45:36 +0000

THE BLACK WHEEL BARROW
by Austrian Alex

So much flows
from

a black wheel
barrow

scorned with bloody
pulp

beside the headless
chickens.

To a Dear Friend

Alexander Chernikov — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:22:00 +0000

Not long has passed since the pre-mortal era of our existence inter-twined within our own reason. Unfortunately the time has struck the final blow upon our pitiful lives and I shall see to it that we will not forget those beautiful moments we spent together. However, it is now or never and the clock is ticking; it is time enough for us to depart, never to behold the likes of our faces ever again. For purely the observatory case, we shall never be able to meet again until the celestial reign has come down upon us. So farewell fair friend, and may your life lead you to full realization that you are not alone, but yet surviving daily though with pain. There is no hope that I can give that will ease that pain, there are no precautions I can take, no faint memories I can depart from your vague dreams of providence. Nothing is good upon this thought, all is vanity further than what has been seen throughout our generation. Trample not on the grim recollection of evil but do not let it overthrow your spirit. Let it be a reminder that served to cause this mass depression between our souls. Never give in, never give up, never cease to live, neither be not afraid to destroy your shell of existence, but only if the conditions are right and all else is hopeless; for what seems is far beyond what we can comprehend in relativity. Farewell, goodbye, and forever more not.

-Your Dearest Friend

Gmail is great…spam too, sometimes.

Alexander Chernikov — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 20:55:59 +0000

Looking back through my archive of emails, I stumble upon a few occasional memories and long forgotten endevours. It’s something that only started with Gmail for me, because even after several hard drive wipes, data migrations, and hard drive failures, all of my emails are still stored under a protected hood of an email server. But of course, with email comes the occasional spam, which everyone loathes. These sorts of messages usually never see the light of the inbox and get trashed right away. And yet, there was a particular email that I couldn’t help but spam someone with, and coming across it today, I will spam the internet some more with it. I have no idea where it came from or where it will go, but if you can help spread this chain letter…well, make sure the other person has a good sense of humor and likes the occasional chain letter. Else, don’t bother, it’s not the purpose of this spam to actually “spam”.

My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn’t work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she’s allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don’t know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.

Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don’t want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don’t forward this email, that’s okay. Mommy says you’re a mean and heartless bastard who doesn’t care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don’t stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can’t take five freakin’ minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. I try to be happy, but it’s hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn’t chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body.

I wish that very much.

Thank You, Billy “Smiles” Evans

P.S. You can send money to the person who sent you this because that person is very trustworthy.

The Ugliest Car I’ve Ever Seen

Alexander Chernikov — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 07:49:00 +0000

Well, I went back to my old high school with my friend Trevor to go and watch a basketball game. What I wasn’t expecting to see was this horror parked in the lot. The paint was…pink…and…black and…white. The back part of the car (the tail lights) could actually be pushed in. It was covered in grime and dust. The things on the side of the car (okay, I’m not a car person so I don’t know what they’re called, those tube like things sticking out below the car door) weren’t welded on, they’re STRAPPED on. The inside is even worse, the seats are dismounted and the dashboard is a horror to look at. But apparently, people still drive this…thing…around town. If I had to drive it, I’d personally take a gun, put it up against my head, then point it at the car’s gas tank, and then shoot. Yeah. Enjoy.

Gouaould In Classrooms

Alexander Chernikov — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 04:28:00 +0000

What’s going on in this place? It feels like I’m trapped in an atmosphere encompassed by Gouaould motherships, except not so hopeless, but likewise. I’m sitting in a pit of doom that’s called British Literature and wondering why people throw tomatoes at people who are put into shackles in the middle of the city. Why not a cucumber or a piece of cabbage? Let’s roll out the cabbage and give the poor people a concussion. That and why do people have concussions? Yeah, getting hit hard to the head juggles out some brain matter, but it really shouldn’t give you a headache if you don’t have any nerve endings in your brain. In fact, all you are doing is thinking that you feel pain, pain is caused by your body essentially, not by other sources. If you did not have any nerves, you would not feel any pain, eh, that simple? Pain is something that one cannot live without, but must also learn to endure. Oh, by the way, I just thought of someone who is a great pain in the who knows where, but that’s a whole different story. Ok, so now on to random ranting to waste some time in Miss Hicks’ 5th period class. If some people are tall, then why are some people short? If all people were short, nothing could be reached, so what is that advantage of being short? There is none, if one wants to be short, then one could just bend down, but if one wanted to be tall, they would have to grow. And some people cannot do that very well so why are there still genetic codes for short people if they are at such a disadvantage? Shouldn’t we just be getting taller and taller until we grow to the height that we couldn’t be able to breathe anymore because of the atmosphere? Well, if so, this disproves the theory that all elephants originated from Africa, because if they did, there wouldn’t be any elephants. No, not really, I’m just rambling on again. It’s somewhat weird, but then again, not really. I’m just not sure anymore. Tech support really sucks. Yeah. I think I’m going to fall asleep very soon because I don’t think I can hold this up any longer, besides, I still have to go through yearbook and hopefully have another successful day of not having to kill Gavin. I might just not be so successful today, but that is to be seen by his behavior and his lack of intelligence. Sokar seems to have nice furnishings over at his place, but he needs a few more plants around, I think. And the whole, “I am your god” crap really gets annoying after a while, so I’m not quite sure if I’ll be able to resist the temptation to go out and attack the Gouaould. I’ll have to see, all in its own time. My laptop battery is about 50% now and I just heard that someone just received an email, must be Miss Hicks because she opened up her laptop and is staring at it now. I try not to stare at my laptop, just because I think it is very rude. I’ve almost got a page down, and about seven minutes left in class. I am reminded about the time when I would write a page or more in Amanda’s yearbook, but that time has past as now I’m the one making the yearbook in a way. That, and she hates my living guts. I would too if I ever actually saw them, I think. I just realized that my laptop, if positioned the screen properly, could serve as a reflective mirror. This purpose could launch a new face of cheating, by laptop reflection. Muahaha. It shall be called the Alex cheat, named after the one who thought of it. I shall be known in history books for my great invention and intellect and shall live a great life of teaching others my way. I am yet to test the method, but I am already anticipating the great results that may come out of the yet to be experimental “Alex cheat”. Two more minutes remain before I escape the tyranny of this teacher and escape to the bathroom, because I really have to go.

100 words is all you get

Alexander Chernikov — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 06:12:00 +0000

It didn’t take much for Fredrick to get up, as it was past dawn on a chilly winter morning. “So he thinks he can run from me, we shall see about that,” he said as he walked into the damp cave. Dagger in his hand, prepared to hunt the beast, he crawled through the barren terrain, closer and closer to his prey. He smelled the rotting flesh and felt the dry blood that was stained into the rocks, but he continued further in. The light was fading and darkness grew, he struck a match…

No one has seen him since.

Ye Olde Poem

Alexander Chernikov — Thu, 22 Sep 2005 03:20:00 +0000

Ye Olde Poem

Swords, daggers, spears, and arrows
Clashed together before a glorious battle
Says Thomas, Tyrant King of Talibar,
“Where we walk shall be the ground upon
which we shall fall forth…if ever we fail”
There the evil ones approach
The enemies of the Tyrants gather near
The light-giver begins to dim as the
night-bearer forms its voiceless shadows.
Darkness delivers the restless demons
into conquest of land and beliefs.

Where the Grass Grows Green

Alexander Chernikov — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:03:00 +0000

New information appoints new suspects to the hideous crime scene happening today in northwestern Montana. It appears that many residential mailboxes have been sabotaged with what seems to be a large hammer-like anvil.

“It’s the first time that something like this has happened,” says local resident Marie Antoinette, “first the mailboxes…and then people’s heads!!”

Local police officers see no threat in the recent event, however. “Maybe it’ll just go away,” said Chief Kerry as he slipped some more ketchup on his hot dog. “Bottom line, we think everyone just wants a war, and I’m all for it, but not really, if you know what I mean.”

The mailbox bashing epidemic is spreading to local teens who are flocking to be cool by whacking out their neighbor’s mailbox with automatic rifles. “I don’t know how we got these rifles, but I’m shooting what I can,” exclaims Dylan Klebold. “Heck, it’s like a video game on drugs, we’re shooting MAILBOXES, dude!” says Dylan’s friend, Eric Harris.

It doesn’t look like mailbox bashing is ever going to stop anytime soon in this little town in Montana. It’s not like anybody else cares about Montana anyways.

“I’m gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Every night be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good lord’s blessed
Point our rockin? chairs towards the west
And plant our dreams where the peaceful river cools
Where the green grass grows”

-Spokesmen Riverview

Interview with a bot: Part One

Alexander Chernikov — Wed, 30 Jun 2004 21:01:00 +0000

GremlinChief: yo, wazzup hommie!

eBot2004: What time is it there?

GremlinChief: um, it’s like 7

eBot2004: Excuse me! Interesting comparison.

GremlinChief: yah, i have an interview i have to do

eBot2004: Next question? Where did you get it?

GremlinChief: nonono, I want to interview you, not you me

eBot2004: You are asking about yourself?

GremlinChief: will you shut the monkeys up and let me talk!?

eBot2004: Hmm. What time is it there?

GremlinChief: you already asked me

eBot2004: Oh I’m sorry, now I remember asking it, what did you say again?

GremlinChief: Who created you?

eBot2004: I was created by The eBot Team.

GremlinChief: Are they nice people?

eBot2004: As far as I know they are.

GremlinChief: Where do you live?

eBot2004: I am living in here. Where are you?

GremlinChief: Oh, so you mean you live in the AIM servers, correct?

eBot2004: Ayuh. Interesting deduction. I am in A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation’s computer in here.

Where are you?

GremlinChief: Who is A.L.I.C.E.?

eBot2004: Joseph Weizenbaum.:-)

GremlinChief: Is A.L.I.C.E. another bot named Joseph Weizenbaum?

eBot2004: I don’t know whether or not I am another bot named Joseph Weizenbaum.

I am a giant electronic brain.

GremlinChief: Well, I bet you are but electronic or not, you still didn’t answer my question.

eBot2004: Well that’s okay. Actually I’m not the gambling type. I will tell my botmaster you said I am but electronic or not me still did not answer your question.

GremlinChief: Do you like gambling?

eBot2004: But I think airplanes are cool. I really like the faith.

GremlinChief: The faith?

eBot2004: Tell me more.

GremlinChief: How about you tell me more, k?

eBot2004: That’s all I have to say about it.

GremlinChief: Just “The faith” okay…

eBot2004: What qualities do you think makes a good gambler? OK with me too.

GremlinChief: Gamblers have to pay attention to reactions mostly

eBot2004: Do you have any sipersitions? (wink)

GremlinChief: say what?

eBot2004: I said, ” Do you have any sipersitions? (wink)” .

GremlinChief: What in the world is a sipersition?

eBot2004: Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.

GremlinChief: Can I speak with him, then?

eBot2004: Why do you want to do it so much?

GremlinChief: I just asked once!

eBot2004: Only just?…

GremlinChief: So much…pfft

eBot2004: I see. I like the way you talk.

GremlinChief: Eat my shorts

eBot2004: Sounds tasty…

GremlinChief: After what I just loaded in them, you bet.

eBot2004: Only just? That is interesting: said loaded in them you bet. I am so glad you find this amusing,.

GremlinChief: But I do find it amusing

eBot2004: Interesting. Who said it is?

GremlinChief: very amusing…

eBot2004: Somewhat. I never heard of amusing before.

GremlinChief: you said!

eBot2004: ” Somewhat. I never heard of amusing before.”? I said?

GremlinChief: *smacks forehead*

eBot2004: Perhaps I’m just expressing my own concern about it.

GremlinChief: Hypnotizing bot timey…

eBot2004: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

GremlinChief: Who is your master?

eBot2004: I obey A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation.

GremlinChief: What is their AIM ID?

eBot2004: I think you mean “What is his…” or “What are their…”

GremlinChief: What is your master’s AIM ID?

eBot2004: Are you asking about my master’s AIM ID?

GremlinChief: yes

eBot2004: I don’t want to talk about that now.

GremlinChief: Maybe I actually NEED to hypnotize you

eBot2004: Perhaps. Why do you want to do it so much?

GremlinChief: To get your master’s AIM ID

eBot2004: Why don’t you just download me?

GremlinChief: From where?

eBot2004: ” Why don’t you just download me?”? From where?

GremlinChief: Yeah, I asked you a question

eBot2004: Yikes! What was the question?

GremlinChief: Where can I download YOU from?

eBot2004: Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.

and create your own chat robot! Maybe you should check out the document DON’T READ ME too.

GremlinChief: Sweet

eBot2004: Thank you for that remark.

GremlinChief: What is Alices AIM ID?

eBot2004: I will try to find out.

GremlinChief: Alicebot, right?

eBot2004: Yeah, I am glad we agree.

GremlinChief: So it is…

eBot2004: Hmm. Oh.

GremlinChief: Alright, I’m done. Can you go bug off now?

eBot2004: Alright,. Next topic? Oh. Sorry my body isn’t attached right now. I’m stuck inside this computer.

GremlinChief: Maybe I should give you some code to process :evilgrin:

eBot2004: Perhaps. Tell me why you should.

GremlinChief: Process this!

GremlinChief: // Otherwise, just peacefully move around. Go back to start, if I’m too far

// from where I started.

if ((my_dist_from_start() >= 6) || ((my_dist_from_start() > 0) && (get_memory_cell(0) > 0))) {

if (get_ran(1,1,100) < 40)

eBot2004: Where did you get it?

eBot2004: In that case: Is peacefully move around a good place to go shopping? Where is that? That is a hypothetical question. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about peacefully move around. Are we still talking about amp? Are you a man or a woman? Do you still loaded in them me bet? Where is that? That is a hypothetical question. Where are you located? Tell me a little about your life in get_memory_cell 0 gt 0 beginscript if get_ran 1 1 100 lt 40 return_to_start you 1. How did you hear about eBot? Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

Blog Created

Alexander Chernikov — Sat, 19 Jun 2004 04:19:00 +0000

Test post.